In These Dark Times…
I've mentioned my problems with insomnia. The best description I've ever read about my version of insomnia appeared in a 40 year old, now out-of-print book—For Better, For Worse by Caryl Rivers and Alan Lupo (you can still get used copies on Amazon):
I get up before those who are arrested for burglary in the nighttime have even left their homes for burgling. I am awakened usually by dreams, all of which share one common element—anxiety. In one dream, I am a freshman in college and haven't finished a composition on Moby Dick. In another dream, I'm driving in a strange city and can't find my way back to wherever it is I'm supposed to go. In yet another, I've driven off that city's main road and skidded off a cliff, tumbling into a large body of water, where I'm pursued by Moby Dick.
Once having awakened, I have a variety of options. I can turn to my right and try to figure out whether I'm staring at my wife's head, my wife's arm draped over her head, my wife's pillows on top of her head, somebody else's wife's head, a white whale. Or, I can turn to my left and stare at the airport runway and listen as the winds carry the voices from that facility's public address system: 'Paging Mr. Mrfghrmn, Mr. Mrfghrmn. Your koalas are at the ticket counter.' Or I can just lie there, staring at the ceiling, and wonder: (a) if either car will start later; (b) which kid will wake up with a stomach bug; (c) how to deal with the two international terrorists who have somehow slipped by the dog downstairs and are at this very moment making their way upstairs; (d) whether the dull sensation in my large right toe is a telltale sign of something terminal.
Mostly, I lie there wondering whether it's worthwhile to go back to sleep, given that the alarm is set to buzz at 6:15 A.M., which is only four hours away. I wonder a lot about that until I drift off around 6:08 A.M.
This sums up so many of my nights perfectly, and it makes me laugh every time I read it!
I've mostly tamed my anxiety-induced insomnia with the Slumber app, but I usually allow myself to sit for a few minutes with my dark thoughts in hopes that sleep will reclaim me naturally. Usually my thoughts turn to the state of the world today: recent local news that reveal the depths of human depravity, national politics and the extremism apparently taking root, daunting environmental challenges (increasing temperatures, decreasing animal populations, drinking water supply, etc.), and international threats and conflicts. In the dark of night, it’s so easy to become overwhelmed with anxiety and consider all of the ways our safety may come under attack!
Here are some of the ways I combat these ugly thoughts:
I think of Bill Bryson’s book A Short History of Nearly Everything, which outlines the many potential disasters that could befall us and end our species, and I remember how fragile life is and how important it is to cherish it while we have it. It’s possible a meteor could obliterate Earth tomorrow, and then what good would worrying about wars, pandemics, natural disasters, etc. have done?
I “zoom out” and think about the fact that most of this has come before, mass extinctions and extreme global temperature fluctuations included. Yet so far life on Earth has persisted. For millennia we humans have gotten by the best way we can. We have lots of reasons to hope (autonomy) that we can weather today’s challenges.
I remember that there is so much that I don’t have control over, but I do have control over how I respond to whatever comes to pass (autonomy). I have the confidence of experience (esteem), curiosity to learn (growth), and a village to lean on (social). These are all powerful resources with which to meet future obstacles.
I think about what I can do in my corner to make the world a better place, whether it’s doing a favor for a friend, supporting someone’s organizational efforts, reducing my environmental impact, or being respectful of a stranger, to name a few.
While it’s easy to dwell on threats and weaknesses, it’s also important to remember strengths and opportunities (a SWOT analysis in business terms). I spend time considering all of the things I have going for me (and more largely what the human species has going for it), including all of the blessings that brighten my days. This can occupy my thoughts endlessly because I try to stretch the exercise to think about minor things and events that improve my life but may easily become overlooked: my favorite pen and notebook, indoor plumbing, mirrors, a shared smile with a neighbor as we pass each other on our walks, etc.
Because of my belief in the Right Hand of Long-Term Happiness and our dependence on our communities to fill the Six Needs, I have faith in my fellow humans: in our ingenuity (growth), in our pursuit of excellence (esteem, growth), in our care of others (social), and in our desire for safe environments (safety) incentivizing rule following. Sure, there are plenty of examples of self-serving tyranny, but the societies that flourish best are those that promote need-fulfillment for the largest number of their population.
Do you ever suffer big picture anxiety? What tricks do you use to keep calm and carry on?