Grandpa Tony
Growing up I was always devoted to my Grandma Sylvia. I was so awestruck by her that I barely noticed her husband, my Grandpa Tony. In retrospect, this is hard to fathom. Grandpa Tony had a certain charisma. He was funny and charming and generous. He stood out in a crowd. Everyone loved him.
To this day I can’t really explain why I mostly sidestepped Grandpa in favor of Grandma. I do tend to ignore the brilliant gems in favor of the hidden, less obvious treasures. Perhaps Grandma’s sweet, quiet nature was thus a bigger draw. Or maybe it was because I felt a strong kinship with Grandma over our shared love of animals. Or it could be that as Grandma’s firstborn granddaughter, Grandma managed to steal my heart away by heaping attention on a small child who was hungry for it.
Whatever the reason, though Grandpa was always around, I don’t feel like I had much of a relationship with him. That changed, however, in the past ten years or so as it slowly dawned on me how much I am like my Grandpa. Grandpa Tony spent much of his adult life working two jobs at the same time. He had seven kids to support, so the financial obligation required it of him. However, when he had time off, he was not the type of person to sit around watching TV. He was always active, always moving. In his free time, he was visiting family, taking his own family on vacation, dancing with his wife, attending sporting events, the theater, or concerts, or participating in religious organizations (social, growth). This is my way, too. It drove Grandpa Tony nuts that old age robbed him of his energy. I was genuinely able to sympathize when I was pregnant. I remember laughingly telling him, “If being pregnant is a hint of getting old, I know I’m going to hate the exhaustion, too! I can’t get a thing done because I’m so tired.”
Another way in which we were able to sympathize with each other during my pregnancy was our shared desire to rid ourselves of certain responsibilities, but we both felt a strong sense of obligation and duty to our respective organizations making it hard to do so (growth). At the time I was trying to make some space in my life for the incoming family member by dropping my role as an officer in a couple of organizations while Grandpa was trying to groom a fresher generation to take on his officer roles in a couple of his organizations.
Grandpa and I share a gift of being able to see the value of the people we encounter (esteem), though I think we exhibit our gifts differently. I am like a puppy dog, enthusiastic in my fervor. Some people are comfortable with this and love this about me. Others are either creeped out by it or suspicious of me, thinking I have some ulterior motive (nope, I just love people). My grandpa was always way more cool about it. He had a way of disarming people with his humor, and they didn’t seem to notice his quiet way of making people feel special.
With this understanding of the value of the people in our lives, Grandpa and I are/were both very good about nurturing our relationships (social). Every time I visited him, I could ask about anyone in a large extended family, and chances were he’d recently spoken to the person in question. I was always surprised (but not) to find out that this nephew or that grandkid called him on a weekly basis.
Grandpa was also the keeper of the photos, as in love with his scrapbooks as I am with mine. His office was a mess of printed photos, and he was often in charge of the photo spreads at family events. We both understood how important those photos are for reflecting on past happy events. Did he pass on this valuable lesson to me or did I arrive at the same conclusion separately? Sometimes it’s impossible to know.
Grandpa Tony passed away on Friday, Jan. 31. He had just turned 88. He survived almost two years after his wife of 66 years passed away. He was sharp until the end, but his body gave out. I will miss Grandpa Tony as I miss Grandma Sylvia. But I am so very grateful that I was given the time to develop a bond with him and realize how much of my personality likely came from him.
Have you had a similar experience where you overlooked someone in your life and then later came to appreciate them? I’d love to hear about it!